Speaking honestly about parenting is something I think is really important, to validate other mums and also to prepare prospective mothers for some of the realities they may face. I don’t think I was prepared for the reality of what it is actually like when you have children.
I think I focused on all the lovely moments that you would have as a parent and paid no attention to the hard work, challenges and absolutely infuriating moments that go in to raising a human. You know the moments I’m on about.
I’d heard stages like the “terrible twos” and thought sure, how hard can it be? A couple of tantrums, I’ll be okay. And I kind of was, it was challenging but we got through it okay.
But we need to talk about 3-year-olds, they are something else. Some of the things that I have learnt when my boys have been 3 are beyond what I imagined I would face as a parent. Here are some of them.
Did you know that there is a wrong way to peel a banana?
There are actually many wrong ways to peel a banana and what is classed as the “right” way to peel a banana can change from one day to the next. If you get this wrong, you are in trouble; there will be tears, banana thrown at the wall, small child dropping to the floor in despair. Make sure you stock up on bananas so you have back-ups and get used to eating mushy reject bananas because you’re an adult that is uncomfortable with unnecessary food waste.
Pillows have a new purpose
This is true even before they are 3, but pillows are a great way to reset when you have been tested multiple times an hour since 5am and just need to growl in to a pillow. They are also great for roaring in to when the baby has woken you up every 45 minutes to breastfeed and it is now 3am and you’re at your limit. I remember wondering if this was what sleep torture methods felt like. The moment I would finally nod off, I would hear the cry and off we go again. Not long after this, he started nursery, and they offered me some support from a wonderful lady called Becky who was trained in sleep difficulties and I nearly cried with joy. She helped me fix things and I got my sleep and my sanity back.
I found myself sticking Sellotape on the inside of a glove at 5.45am
This was during the peak of our first 3-year-old whirlwind and he has always been an early riser, but we were regularly up for the day at 5am at this point. There was this pair of red gloves and he had become obsessed with them, and on this particular morning, something was wrong with them, the gloves were sticky. I tried really hard to understand what the problem was and collaboratively came up with the solution to this, which was to put Sellotape on the inside of the gloves so they were no longer sticky. He then put them on and showed a flicker of joy, quickly followed by despair as the Sellotape then annoyed him, which I should have seen coming, so I sat and pulled it all back out again. Sitting on the floor in my living room at 6am with my pile of used Sellotape, I wondered if this was going to be my life forever.
Carrying your child surfboard style
This is when your child is having such a difficult moment that there is no calming them down, you have tried all the strategies and the patience is wearing thin and the only option left is to remove the audience and get the child out of there to a calmer place (e.g. the car). To avoid attack, you carry them like a surfboard, slightly to one side to protect the vitals at the front, legs pointing outwards to minimise the kicking risk.
When strangers see you and give you just what you need, when you need it
On one of the more challenging days, I’d gone to the shops as I needed some bits for dinner and I’d taken my 3 year old and my 3 month old baby. The day had been very up and down, emotionally, for all of us and I had been trying really hard to hold it together and support everyone. The baby had colic and was becoming almost inconsolable whenever he was awake. The toddler was struggling with so much of my attention being on the baby compared to what he was used to and I think he was just trying to navigate the huge changes to his life. The shop had started well, but I always felt that I was on a countdown, so I was trying to get what we needed and out of there as soon as I could. Then, my 3 year old found a fancy dress outfit that he needed to have and everything fell apart. He was crying and refusing to work with me at all, running away from me, refusing to move. A lady walking near us gave me a sweet smile that indicated she knew how I felt. He then woke the baby up so he too began crying so I had both boys screaming in different directions and I still needed to pay. None of my approaches worked to soothe either of them so I had to just pay quickly and get them out. I passed the same lady again and she acknowledged that the situation had escalated. I can’t even remember how I got us all out the shop that day, but I did. After wrestling my toddler in to the car seat and trying to feed the baby, I sat in the driver seat of the car, head on the steering wheel, totally overwhelmed. I felt so deflated and guilty that I hadn’t been able to soothe the boys and get us smoothly through the shop and home. As I looked up, I saw the same lady that I’d bumped in to throughout the shop and she mouthed to me “you’re doing a good job”. I smiled and mouthed “thank you” and tears immediately spilled down my cheeks. She had given me exactly what I needed, when I needed it and the mixture of different emotions just spilled out of me. The kindness melted away some of my frustration and guilt and I was able to have a cry, take a deep breath and carry on with the day, knowing that she was right as I was trying my best. She will never know how much she helped me that day.
So 3 years can be a rollercoaster from my experience, and I could write a thousand more examples, especially as my second is now 3, but I’ll leave it there for today. I think this demonstrates the reality of it.
Emma x
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